Hashtag Culture

I am not a technophile. I used to be, back in my twenties when I was excited and hungry and ambitious. But not anymore. I actually hate it. Yes, I know, hate is a strong word. There are, I am sure, some very good arguments for why technology is not something to hate or revile, but rather something to completely embrace. I might also anticipate that the argument for technophilia includes some snide admonition that my technophobia is really something that needs to be overcome like some pathetic neurotic disorder like OCD or agoraphobia. And I mean good arguments, educated and inspired ones, like a TED talk or some slick mutherfucker from Palo Alto that can eloquently speak of technology like it’s gonna shine a light on us all and save us from our self-destruction and redeem us like Christ on the Mount or some shit. They will tell us it will wash away our sin instead of providing new and better, completely more innovative ways to look at pornography. And that’s cool. I was there, like I said, back in my twenties when I was energized by life. And by all the pornography.

Now, not being twenty anymore and chock full of hope and energy, but rather imbued with acid reflux and tinnitus and gas and the palpable stench (I see it when younger people look at me, they smell it) of old age and death and failure, I am on the cusp of true obsolescence, and my view is different (not about pornography, but technology). Those that know me will perhaps laugh and then think of responding by saying that I am not there yet. But in their hearts they know it’s coming. It may not come today, or next week, or twenty years from now. But it’s coming, and they all know it. It’s coming for all of us. I embrace it like Country Joe McDonald.

So as I get, with each passing day, one day closer to death, I wonder if my anxiety about technology is a way to try to cling to life. If I learn to use Twitter, maybe I won’t be completely irrelevant. Maybe I won’t feel like the rest of the world is moving on down the line without me. Maybe it’s not even technology I am speaking about, but the way we stupid humans use technology that makes me want to literally lash out like a bride left at the altar, or an #OccupyWallStreeter or Country Joe McDonald.

I believe I have explained in another post about how I invented the internet, so my insane rambling about how technology is eating us alive like that weird flesh-eating bacteria isn’t just the inane ranting of an insignificant old guy. I really did imagine the interconnection of every computer in the world, exactly at the time that it began to happen. It was a broad expanse, the future gleamed as bright as all the stars in the sky. It was a vision of a world of possibilities, of a utopia, fueled by youth and idealism. I never, not once, imagined that it would be put to use to let #TheBachelor trend on Twitter. All that Moore’s Law computing power compounding exponentially (like peak oil but without the whole annihilation of the world-as-we-know-it problem), almalgamated and connected, marching and advancing us as a culture. And what do we do with it? #youmightbestupidif. Hashtag culture. Don’t ask me I don’t give a damn.