Wisdom From Cookies – 10 Things To Save Your Life

So much talk about doing. The internet is chock full of people offering advice in lovely step-by-step formats. Apparently, the internet loves lists. 10 ways to fuck better. 10 things to do to improve your abs/sex life/bank account/marriage/divorce. 10 sites to bookmark. 10 stocks to buy/sell this year. 10 careers you never thought of. Of course, I use the internet to find out how other people do things. I especially use it to find out how people do things I don’t know how to do. Change a screen door. Make $100,000 in six months. Find a book agent. Write a query letter. Apparently, the 10 ways to fill in the blank is the best format to gain clicks and impart wisdom. I read recently in some post about the 10 ways to build a platform (the social cred kind, not one made of wood) that if you tell people shit you read on a fortune cookie, they will repeat it as though it was a quote from the Dalai Lama. Instant social marketing. Awesome.

So, in an effort to basically whore myself in an experiment (after all, if I’m only experimenting at being a whore it’s not like really being one, right?), I am going to offer the finest wisdom that can be printed on the two-inch strip of paper stuffed into a folded piece of tough dough that makes your mouth dry and mealy. You have to eat the cookie or the lottery numbers won’t hit. You did know that, right? So, here you go. Soak this shit in. Then retweet for your own social clout on the Twitter. And follow me, too. I am @alexsmathews. I tried a naked photo of myself to see if that would garner followers, but it didn’t work. I think it might be because I have no abs. Note-to-self: must read ’10 ways to beef up that six-pack.’

Ok, ready?

1. Conquer your fears or they will conquer you.
2. Your true love will show himself under the moonlight (In my case, I really hope that isn’t going to happen, homophobe that I am).
3. Do not be covered in sadness or be fooled by happiness. They must both exist.
4. There are no limitations to the human mind except those you acknowledge.
5. You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly (consider a photo with this one).
6. If you never give up on love, it will never give up on you.
7. It is never too late, just as it is never too early.
8. Stop thinking about the road not taken and pave over the one you did.
9. If you speak honestly, everyone will listen.
10. Generosity will repay itself sooner than you imagine.

Ok, now go viral.